18 & 19 week pregnancy update

I decided to miss out week 17 as nothing had changed and to just repeat myself would be silly... Week 18 finally meant I no longer felt sick (insert happy dance here) my energy levels have improved and just generally feeling more like myself than a very tired nauseous pregnant person. Week 19 has so far been the same, more energy and more my normal self... Of course the biggest news is that we are having a GIRL I can hardly believe in wring that! I thought girl from the beginning for no reason in particular I just felt that way. When it was confirmed I couldn't believe what I was hearing! We took Harry along to the private scan as we wanted him to be a part of it with ushe refers to the baby as "his baby" and it's so lovely that he's excited. We would have been over the moon with either gender but it's also lovely to be having one of each. 

In week 19 her movement has changed from little flutters to really feeling and seeing her roll around and for me that's the best/only part of pregnancy that I love... I feel like I can really bond with her now I can feel her rolling around and I'm sure it won't be too long before my husband and Harry can feel her moving around too. 

All in all everything feels so positive, like I said I feel much more human now and I'm really enjoying this pregnancy. I can't believe I'm nearly half way through and it really won't belong before we get to meet our daughter. 

16 week pregnancy update.

Here's my 16 week update, I didn't do a 15 week update as really nothing had changed. At 16 weeks I'm feeling much better, for the most part the nausea has gone and I have a bit more energy - although that could be down to the sunshine we've had recently. 

I feel huge although I realise I'm not and that I'm just going to get way way bigger, baby is moving around lots and appears to have a little routine, although I don't get much time to sit and "feel" baby move I do try to have a couple of minute in the morning and evening to check in with the baby if you like. I'm now starting to be able to feel where the baby is and have had a wonky bump when he or she is on one side. 

We have a gender scan on Saturday and we are so excited, we both think we are having a girl, I don't know why but we do. It will be interesting to see if we are right, we both though we were having a boy with Harry and we were right so we shall see, I'm genuinely not fussed about what the gender is at all we both just want a happy healthy baby that sleeps - as many of you will no Harry wasn't a sleeper for the first 19 months of his life. 

Cravings have really started now but I'm

Mostly craving pizza with BBQ sauce, chicken sandwiches and any fruit that's red. So not all unhealthy. 

I weighed myself every week when I was pregnant with Harry, I have only weighed myself once this time around as I don't want to get hung up on "weight gain" . 

I'm sleeping really well which is the opposite of whe I was pregnant witn H,  I'm enjoying this pregnancy a lot more now I've reached 16 weeks, I feel that I've settled down all my anxietys. 

That's all to report for this week, I will write a "gender reveal" update next week when we have had time to tell all our loved ones first. 

Take care and I'll talk to you in my next post. Xoxo 

Miscarriage

Firstly I want to say that I'm writing this well actually I'm typing but writing sounds better - I digress... I'm writing this for my own benefit and for anyone else who has been though a miscarriage. I'm going to go into graphic detail and if you can't handle reading about something traumatic then this isn't the blog post for you. If however like me you want to be reminded that it's ok to feel the way you feel then please read. Once I had gone through a miscarriage I wanted to know a) the facts and b) I wanted validation that I wasn't the only person to feel the way I did. 

Firstly I want to say that whatever stage your at and whatever your feeling, your feeling the right way and you are NORMAL. Something I had no idea about was how common miscarriage is, 1 in 4 pregnancy's end in miscarriage, that's huge, and there's no words to describe just how shit that is for so many people. Also I should also say that I can only talk about my experience and I know it's so different for everyone but if one person reads this who felt or feels a similar way then I hope it helps. So here we go I'm going to explain what happened to me and my husband (I say my husband because he very much went through grief, it was different but we both went through it and it's right to acknowledge that) I'm going to explain what happened to me physically and emotionally as best I can. Also again I want to say that I don't want to offend or upset anyone so please don't read further if you are of a sensitive nature as I don't want to upset anyone but I also want to give an honest account of what happened to anyone who might either be interested or need to read this. 6 months ago I needed to read what I'm about to wright and that's why I'm writing it now. 

After having a normal pregnancy up until 11 weeks and 4 days I started to bleed. Only a tiny bit but there was blood and I was scared. I called the midwife and explained she reassured me that some bleeding was quite normal and that unless it got worse not to worry. I took her advice and carried on looking after my toddler and all the other normal day to day stuff. Later that day the bleeding stopped, a breathed a sigh of relief and went to bed feeling very thankful and happy. The following day I had planned a play date at a local soft play centre with a friend. Off we went and for the first hour we had a great time. After an hour or so I began to bleed agin, I stayed calm remembers what the midwife had said yesterday and carried on with our play date, then the bleeding got much worse like the first day of your period, I made an excuse that I had to get home and left, I rang my husband and cried saying that I was miscarrying. I got home put Harry down for a nap and called the midwife again. 

I was told that there was nothing that could be done and so I was to just wait it out at home. This advice is not helpful to a woman who is miscarrying because what you want to hear is that they are going to save your babies life,

What your actually told is that your babies life is not viable... Again not what you want to hear because of course to you it is very much a viable life. I handled it all very well and screamed at my midwife over the phone for at least 20 mins, she was very patient and clearly had heard all of what I was saying before. After that phone conversation I felt calm and numb. I cooked tea for my family, ate it cleared up, did bath time and then had a shower, all the while the bleeding staying like a heavy period. I had been told that it wouldn't get any worse than that. 

That evening we watched TV and tried to pretend that nothing was happening , at this stage I hadn't passed anything that looked like an 11 week foetus (the size of a fig) so I felt that the baby was clinging on. Just before bed at around 9.30 I felt as if I was passing something, it was a large clot, not a baby but a large clot none the less, tears followed you know the shoulder shaking tears that are just impossible to stop. Once again I composed myself and went to bed I slept soundly surprisingly. But at 1.30 am I woke up converted in blood and in quite a bit of pain. I got up and ran to our bathroom, I was pushing and the blood with literally spillong out of me like nothing is seen before. At that moment I thought I was going to die... Not being dramatic but I really didn't see how it was possible to loose that much blood. I called to my husband to call an ambulance, it arrived quickly, two lovely female paramedics came into our home,

By this time I was downstairs, I didn't want to wake our son up while all of this was going on it was a distressing scene for an adult let alone a toddler. One of the paramedics checked our loo to get an idea of the amount of blood I had lost , I had lost too much blood and was therefore taken to hospital. The ride in the ambulance was surreal, we talked laughed and cried on the way, both paramedics were amazing. I wish I had their names so I could write and thank them for the care they gave me. When we arrived at hospital there was a long cue and I had to wait in the ambulance for just over an hour, where I lost more blood and more very large clots, shortly after the bleeding slowed down and I felt "empty" I felt different and I knew that I was no longer pregnant. Once inside A&E I was left on my own on a trolley in a corridor.. It was a little like a panama me investigates program, the staff were amazing, but so so so overstretched. It was noisey, hot and busy, I was frightened. Soon my husband appeared and I cried huge tears of relief that I was no longer on my own. I was then out on a drip and taken to a ward that was also over crowded , I had to go on a stretcher bed in a store cupboard on the ward. I was there for 4 house before I got loved to a room on my own away from the movie of babies crying. It is a sad layout of the hospital that you should be near babies while loosing your own. Not too long after that a doctor came and told me that I had gone through a miscarriage and that I would have a scan later that day to check that all tissue had gone. 

I had the scan, there was no baby, there was nothing, just an empty space where our baby should have been. I went back to my room past the women waiting for their scans that would bring happy news, past the labour ward where parents were meeting their babies for the first time and into my cold empty room. I got dressed and waited to be discharged. We went home, we had fish and chips for tea, I held Harry so tightly. Harry went to bed and I slept. 

The following morning it hit me I wasn't pregnant. I felt cold. I felt angry, empty, exhausted, lonely, confused, in denial, pretty much every emotion I could have felt. The next few weeks were strange, the day's floated by and in all honesty I wasn't aware of anything really, just breathing, keeping things normal for Harry. Crying on my own, crying on my husband . 

Two months passed and I finally had the day of been waiting for the day where it didn't feel so raw, day by day it got easier, I talked about the baby we lost, I told Harry about it, I spoke to friends and family about it. We planted a tree and buried a letter to the baby with it. 

Now six months on, I look at the tree how it's grown, it will always grow and I will watch Harry play around it knowing happily what it stands for. I'm now 15 weeks pregnant and life is feeling positive. I haven't forgotten and I won't forget. I lost one twin during this pregnancy and some how it's a comfort to know that the first baby we lost isn't on its own, even though I don't believe in heaven I do believe that our angel babies are together somewhere. 

Like I said earlier I don't want this to upset anyone I want it to be hear so rant anyone who needs to read this to feel normal can. I needed to read this six months ago. I'm so sorry to anyone who knows how I feel. It gets easier. But you never forget. Xx 

14 week pregnancy update

14 weeks already! I'd like to say it's flown by but it really hasn't, morning sickness and fatigue have been present from pretty much day one and unfortunately they are still around now.. Anxiety has been a major factor too after looking a baby at 11 weeks early this year and then discovering that we had also lost a twin from this pregnancy too. 

All that being said we feel very positive and we are really starting to enjoy pregnancy and all the excitement having a baby brings. I'm feeling lots of movement, especially in the evenings and it totally melts my heart. I've really looking forward to my husband being able to feel some big kicks soon too.. 

Sharing this pregnancy with my husband is wonderful just like it was when I was pregnant with our son Harry, however now I have the added bonus of sharing it with Harry too... When asked "what's in mummy's tummy" Harry shouts baby and points at my tummy, it's possibly the cutest thing ever. 

My energy is slowly coming back this week and the sickness is slightly less so that good. My bump as up can see is already rather large and I'm loving it, (although I miss sleeping on my tummy!) 

All in all everything feels very positive and I'm starting to relax. I've been craving any red fruit and pizza so sort of healthy. No idea of a gender as yet but assuming a boy as I already have a boy and I suppose I see myself as a mamma of boys.. But time will tell... 

By for now xxx

Change lies ahead.

Hello to my probably one reader, who lets face it is probably my mother, I've never asked her if she reads my blog or not because if I'm honest I'm not sure if I'd be happy with either answer. If the answer was yes then I'd feel as if she was reading my diary, and if she said no then I'd think "hang on I'm your only child who you should devote all your energy and focus on because I'm your life" (that's not really how I feel but you know what I mean). 

I digress, I've been thinking that I need to make a change, a change to my blog, I'm not happy with any aspect of it, from the way it looks to the content. I mostly have mad grammar and spelling mistakes nobody has picked me up on this hence why I think that my mum is probably my only reader... So I'm thinking do I have a complete change, delete this vlog and start a new one? Or do I allow the change to happen to my original blog so that there is a progression of my getting better at "blogging". 

I like writing, not that I can call this writing, in fact it's not even typing because I'm doing it on my phone on an app. How lazy. However I still like writing, I even like writing shopping lists, but what I really like is writing with a lovely pen and that really nice paper, you know the stuff that really soaks up the ink... That's my favourite, I have terrible handwriting it looks like constipated spiders have run through ink and then all over the page... I think I'm the only person who can read it, except for my dad because he too has dreadful handwriting, although I love his writing because he's my dad and I've got quite a lot of hero worship for him if I'm honest. 

So what do you think one reader? Can you let me know what I should do, I would like to blog more and be more open and honest in my writing/typing/tapping at my phone screen, d like to write about some of the stuff that pops into my head because really if just like to remember it. I'd like to use my blog as a sort of therapy, to mull things over... I'd also like to have a go at being a bit witty although this might be an abortion set too high. I'm not very good at technology, I haven't even mastered Internet banking so I'm somewhat stuck in the dark ages, but I'd like to learn and I'm quite enthusiastic in an annoying sort of way. 

Anyone going to sign off now as I need to mop floors, hang out washing, dust and clean a bathroom in the 5 minutes before my small child wakes up. 

Catch you soon Sophie x

Being a woman...

Firstly as always I apologise for the fact I haven't blogged in so long and for the fact that whenever I do blog this is the first sentence. I suppose I just haven't felt like I wanted too, and as this is supposed to be something I do to enjoy and as a release almost, I guess that's ok... 

However I have recently found that I am feeling passionate about a topic other than my family and the latest steam mop on the market. (Yes I am that sad) 

I'm passionate about women supporting each other, it would seem that not many do this... For me personally I love being a woman in this day and age, for all the wonderful things being a woman gives you and the number one for me is to carry and then give birth and raise a child, for me nothing can top that. Women are great! We can now do pretty much whatever we want within reason and that is so fabulous, we don't quite have equality but it's certainly on the way, in many parts of the world, many other parts leave a lot to be desired. 

So in this wonderful day and age where women have a "choice" about their destiny why is it that every single time I look on a certain form of social media that I see women tearing strips off one another! Are we meant to not build each other up? I come from a long line of independent, strong women who build each other up, the friends I have that are women only build each other up so why on earth should we feel the need to tear strips off other women, that could be in our head or chatting to friends about the mum who looked a bit flustered at playgroup this week. 

Yes I'm currently a stay at home mum... Because if was the choice that my husband and I made for our family, I don't have independence as I rely so let on my husband to support me financially (and for that I'm very greatfull) however that doesn't make me any less of an independent woman... I had a choice and choice is what it's all about... 

We are living in a time where women have to have if ALL! We have to be sexy, but not too much that's slutty, we have to work and have kids and if we only do one of those then we are judged again, we have to wax and shave fucking everywhere! Look presentable at all times, be good wives and amazing mothers, keep the house immaculate and have tea on the table, and play with the children, do homework, run the house and be sexually addiquate... Surely with doing all these things we as women should be supporting each other... 

My husband often calls me a feminist , and I suppose I am, I mean who wouldn't be on their own side? So why aren't all women? 

Anyway congratulations if you made it to the end of quite frankly a bit of a rant ... Keep being fabulous x

Harry's 18 month update.

So this monkey is now 20 months and I've only just got round to writing my blog again, so here is Harry's 18 month update, luckily I wrote things down when he was 18 months so this post should t be to vague. 

The biggest thing to happen at 18 months is that Harry now sleeps through the night consistently, this has been the most amazing breakthrough for all three of us because let's be honest sleep is so important and lack of it can send you to hell and back. The thing that cracked it was no more nighttime milk, this was so hard as Harry has always needed me to feed him to sleep despite trying various different self settling methods. However it seemed that at 18 months Harry was able to cope emotionally with a little bit of cry it out and no more boobie. This also meant that when he did wake up that my husband could attend to him and I finally had some sleep. 

The next big milestone was giving up breastfeeding completely, this was so emotional for both of us and I think Harry coped better than me. But by the time he was nearly 19 months there was no more breastfeeding. There were no tears from Harry but plenty from me. 

Harry's speach has also come on in leaps and bounds and he is saying so many words, Doggy, that, two, there, yes, no are just a few. Listening to his speach develop is so exciting and I'm loving how he points and chats about everything. 

Something else that has become clear in his 18th month is that he isn't a baby anymore he is a proper little person, he has his own ideas and preferences, he knows what he wants and how he wants it, this can be challenging to deal with but it's wonderful to watch his character develop. 

His routine has changed since he was 18 months but it still hasn't really settled into a predictable pattern, in fact I think the days of predictable routines are over. Harry is on the go running everywhere constantly, he never stops, he looks for the next step in whatever we are doing before he has finished the first, he's clever and has a great sense of humour! 

He's not at all shy about saying what he wants to do and has become so independent. His little character is blossoming and I'm so glad that I'm here to watch him grow and develop along the way. 

Happiness

I haven't blogged in what seems forever, that's not because I haven't wanted too but more because I haven't felt that I had anything I wanted to blog about... Obviously I could talk all day about Harry and how much I love being his mum but I'm pretty sure the small audience I'm writing to would get tired of that. However I do want to blog about this, and this has been on my mind for some time, I haven't realised that I needed to write about it until today. 

I have recently been feeling an extreme sense of calm, and over the last few months I have mistaken that feeling for numbness or confusion or tiredness however I've discovered that I'm actually just happy. This isn't because everything is going the way I want in life or that I'm a millionaire in fact at times it's been quite the opposite. However I'm happy. I don't feel angry about anything really and if I do feel angry it's brief and passes without me even showing an emotion other than smiling to myself. For those of you that know me will be aware that I am prone to a major drama queen melt down from time to time. However suddenly this doesn't seem to happen. I've discovered that the reason behind this is because my happiness is strong, and that criticism, nastiness or unfortunate events can't stop me from being happy because I've chosen to be happy. 

I've always been a glass half full kind of girl and I know that my positive vibes can irritate people but I guess that's just who I am and I'm ok with that. In fact I'm ok with who I am. I don't think I'm perfect far from it in fact. But I'm ok and happy to be me. The reason I felt the need to blog about this is because I have never felt ok with who I am and the fact that I do now is quite momentous. I'm glad I am the way I am, I don't like my negative attributes but I accept them for being me and actually it's ok. My life is far from perfect and I'm far from perfection yet I'm finding myself to be so happy every single day. Not all day but for the most part I am happy. 

I wonder if this feeling of content will last? I think it will and I certainly hope it does . But for now I just want to enjoy this feeling of being happy being me. It's something I've never experienced and realising what this feeling is is really wonderful. 

I also know that I will probably get some stick for this post, people may misunderstand me and think that I'm preaching or boasting but I'm not I just needed to put this into words. 

Harry's 13 month update

Harry turned 13 months on the 10th of June, originally I wasn't going to do an update as there had been no major changes but on the 10th Harry took his first steps on his own! 

I'm so super proud of him, he has gone from just holding a finger to walking and nearly running on his own. 

I'm pretty sure that I have said this each month but this phase is my favourite! Watching him turn into a toddler is the most fun, I love watching him expire things at a new level. 

Another change is that Harry is now back to two naps again! I'm sure he just keeps changing to keep me on my toes! We seem however to be in a really good routine now and we are all happier for it. I'm the sort of person who thrives from routine and knowing what comes next. 

Harry is also now eating a much wider range of foods, he loves pasta and the messier the sauce the better. 

Harry is still waking once or twice a night for a milk feed from me and I am still breastfeeding 3 times a day. Basically before each nap and then at bedtime. As much as I want to start to drop the breast feeding I also want to continue until we are both ready. In the short time I have been a parent I have learn that if you force something before you are both ready you make things worse and so much harder. 

Harry is still in 12-18 month clothes and 5+ nappies. He has 4 front teeth and is as gorgeous and perfect as ever. 

Things are changing.

Since becoming a mother I have realised that you have to be able to adapt to constant change, some of which you are ready for and some you are so not prepared for. I have found that with Harry, he is always ready for the next step and I am left trying to catch up and adjust to the "new" thing. 

For me I am now going through the "new" thing that I have found the hardest to deal with so far, Harry has now gone from two good naps a day to one quite short one! This has come as such a shock and something that I'm not remotely ready for! I had been very lucky and been able to have two hours to myself in the morning then another hour in the afternoon (I'm sure that some parents will really envy that!) although Harry thinks he is ready for this sudden napping change I can see that he isn't quite as ready as he thinks but no power I posses can change his mind. The last 10 days have been challenging, with tantrums, tears and not much sleep and that's just been me! However I now feel as though we are both settling into the new routine and although I'm missing my me time I'm hopeful that Harry might now sleep through the night... Haha I know silly to think this right! 

The next big thing that will happen is walking, Harry isn't quite there yet but I can see it on the horizon. 

How do you lovely parents cope with change? For me it brings on anxiety and OCD both things I have always suffered with. Or perhaps my OCD didn't show so much when I had more time to complete my cleaning tasks during the day who knows?! 

I'd love to hear about the changes that your babies and you yourself are going through. 

Harry's 1 year update.

I've decided to start doing some updates on Harry, probably every 6 months, I wish I had don't this sooner while he was a tiny baby. 

Harry is now one and I seriously love this stage although I'm pretty sure I've said that about every stage! 

His routine has changed slightly, he now takes a shorter nap in the morning at around 9am for an hour followed by a longer two hour nap at around 1pm. It's taking some getting used to as I had settled into his previous routine so much! However it does mean that we can now leave the house between 10am and 1pm  so we can make earlier play dates. Whereas before we were never ready to leave the house before 12.30.

Harry is now standing on his own for a few moments and walking with either his push along walker or holding mummy and daddy's hands. He is very close to walking and appears to prefer to stand up than be sat down. 

Harry has also started to really show his character, he has strong feeling of what he likes and dislikes and has also started to show a preference in toys, for example he loves toys with lots of moving parts especially wheels and anything that he can lift up to reveal something behind. 

Harry has also began to understand words and sentences for example "no" and "sit on your bottom" (this is always used if we are having something to eat and he isn't in his high chair) he is still saying mamma, dada, baba, and will make sounds that sound like words, he makes a sound that myself and my husband know means doggy but he isn't actually saying it. 

Sleep has changed a lot since he has turned one, he now only wakes once a night unless he is poorly or teething, this has made such a difference! Much better than the 3-8 times a night he was waking before. 

Harry is eating 3 meals a day and one snack depending on the day. He will eat a wide range ovf vegetables, meat and fish. Roast chicken is a particular favourite closely followed by salmon. And currently grapes are his favourite fruit. 

He has now cut down to 4 breast feeds during the day and one a night and I don't think it will be long before he drops the morning feed and the night feed. I am in no rush to stop breastfeeding and would prefer to let him self wean, originally I wanted to wean at one year but I don't feel that waiter of us are quite ready so providing he stops between now and two years I am quite happy. 

Harry adores the outdoors and always wants to be outside, this is perfect for our lifestyle as both me and my husband love to be in the garden. 

Harry now has two bottom front teeth and a top front tooth that 1/4 out! And a full head of hair. He is looking more like a toddler and less like a baby every day, his clothes are size 12-18 months and he is going to get his first pair of proper shoes this week, ready for him to start walking. 

For me I have no more recovering from birth, I am now back to my pre baby weight my hair has grown back and my monthlys are also back to normal. (Sorry for tmi but I want to be honest) 

I will do another update for Harry when he is 18 months. Let me know if you enjoyed this post, as this blog is as much for you guys as it is for me. 

The Mother of a nearly one year old...

Can someone please explain to me how one year has almost passed with this amazing little boy? 

While I was pregnant I was repeatedly told by other parents that time goes so very very quickly once you have children, and to savour every moment. I took this advice on bored and I know that I have made the most of every moment with this little person my husband and I created. It's a crazy thing having a baby... It completely messes with your head, nothing feels the same anymore apart from your love of your husband or partner, everything in life changes. It's hard to adjust you feel so full of emotions some good and some bad, you feel love, joy, extreme tiredness, guilt, self doubt and self worth. (Just to name a few emotions) it's a total roller coaster. 

I have loved every minute of being a mother to Harry Alexander, and I'm so excited for future adventures with my family. My priorities in life have changed... I don't care for much anymore, nothing material can make my life more full of love and happiness. 

In this year I have had less sleep, at times less confidence and more love and joy than I could ever put into words. There have been good day and bad but mostly good, it's been tough and amazing and perfect in every way and there is nothing that I would change. I now have a full blown coffee addiction and my body isn't what it was but its ok, in fact I think I'm more confident now than I have ever been because I have respect for myself and for my husband, we planned to grow this gorgeous child and we were lucky to do so easily. My body has been through so much and has coped with pain that's unimaginable to anyone who hasn't given birth. But I did it and I'm so proud of myself and my husband for supporting me. 

Life has changed so much, we often have a laugh about how a lay in is now 7am! But life is fuller, has more purpose and so much extra love! 

People often say oh it's not the right time to have children yet, and put things off, the truth is there is no right time, you will still have less money, no me time and probably be the most tired you've ever been, you will bicker with your husband because your both tired and you will feel frustrated that you don't always know what to do. Your home will still look like a bombs gone off in it for the weeks after having a baby and let's face it probably years! But you will be the happiest you have ever been, you will feel more love than you ever have before. And it will be truly the best time of your life. 

Harry is a beautiful bright, happy, smiley  little boy, he likes routine (thank god so do I) change worries him and if we have a "new" day it must be followed by a relaxed day at home. He loves the outdoors, animals and mud! He wakes frequently in the night but has always napped well. He has two bottom teeth and a gorgeous head of hair. He is kind and loving and gives the best kisses. His favourite food is banana closely followed by hard boiled agg and toast.  I really couldn't be prouder of him and I know that my husband feels the same. 

My hope is that he grows up to always be happy and have a life full of love and never feeling alone. We would give him the world if we could. I'm so sad that he is growing up but I have loved watching him grow... My heart is full and I can't wait to watch this little one discover and learn new things every day with his mummy and daddy right behind him, teaching him and helping him but giving him the independence he needs. 

Happy nearly first birthday little one, mummy and daddy love you to the mood and back. Xxx 

Spring is on its way...

Hello you lovely lot, I'm so sorry that I haven't blogged in forever! It's so hard when you are a mummy to find the time to sit down and write a blog post, especially as the to do list is always so long. I hope that you are all well and enjoying the fact that it is now the 2nd of March, that means only 18 more days until it's officially SPRING! 

For me spring is such an exciting time, everything is coming back to life after a long winter, you get longer days and more sunshine yet it's still cool enough to enjoy snuggling up by the fire and wearing your favourite knitwear. (I love knitwear so it's a bonus for me) However spring this year is bittersweet, on the one hand I'm so excited for spring and long lazy days in the sunshine, eating outside, trips to the beach, and washing blowing in the breeze... But spring also means that my baby boy will be one year old and I'm just not ready! Although I'm very excited to plan his first birthday party! 

Yesterday as it was the 1st of March we decided to have a slow day at home, a long walk and then home for a very yummy roast dinner. Usually we spend our weekends rushing around seeing friends and family but we have made a decision to always have one day of the weekend at home just the three of us, precious family time. 

Yesterday was the most perfect day for a walk with our three dogs, Tilly (the smallest yellow dog) Jake (the big yellow dog on the right) and Kai our black beauty. Harry adores the dogs and so do we, even if they can be very naughty it only adds to their charm! 

We took our walk down to a stream where the dogs and the Husbando all played in the water, I look forward to watching Harry have a paddle here when he is older. 

Fresh air and sunshine are the perfect recipe for an afternoon nap and eating a roast, so that's exactly what we did. 

I feel so refreshed after a day of it just being the three of us, it reminds you that although there is always so much to do its so important to slow down, stop thinking and start living. 

I hope that you all had a lovely weekend and enjoyed the sunny first of March. 

Park life...

Recently we have started to make the most of our local park and beautiful mere, it's about 4 miles from where we live and we have never really explored this area until this week. It's also something that costs nothing so is great if your trying to save pennies! 

We have had two lovely afternoons at the park watching the ducks and enjoying the winter sunshine. Harry absolutely loves being outdoors just like his parents and he also loves animals and wildlife, so everyone is happy spending an afternoon like this. There are so many ducks at our local mere and they are so tame, they come right up to you to see if you have any bread. 

This is a picture that my husband took today of Mr and Mrs Duck aka Trevor and Mavis. We actually think that Mr Duck looks like he is smiling. 

There are also 5 geese wondering around, I'm quite nervous of them after being bitten on the bottom by a goose when I was just two years old... I still have the scar so I hang well back, although Harry and Matthew get very close to them to take pictures and enjoy how cute and comical they are! 

And of course there is a play ground with all manor of things that I'm sure Harry will adore once he is toddling about, but for now he enjoys playing on the swings. 

Do you have a nice local park to go to? I'm quite ashamed that I have lived in this area for 13 years and I have only just discovered what a lovely afternoon you can have there. I look forward to more walks and picknicks there over the next few months. 

Birth Story

I've decided after seeing quite a few birth stories floating around that I would do ours, its taken me quite a long time to deal with the emotional stress of giving birth, not that it was a bad birth as it wasn't but just the dealing with what actually happened to my body really!

On the 8th of may 2014 at 38 weeks pregnant I decided that enough was enough, I was done with feeling fat and frumpy and un able to take a deep breath! I took the dogs for a long walk, drank raspberry leaf tea, ate spicy food and the other thing that we all know brings on labour but don't necessarily like to take about on social media! The following morning (the 9th) I woke with a few twinges and mild period pain, I didn't think much and carried on about my day, we had recently moved into a new house that was still being renovated and we were living mostly upstairs and in our living room, other than that it was a building site. 

By around 10am I thought that something could be happening but the pain wasn't that bad, I called my husband and told him and he carried on at work as normal as we both felt that there was no rush. I carried on, walked the dogs (very slowly) did some housework and changed the bed as I knew that I probably wasn't going to be doing any housework for a while! My husband arrived home at 2pm and the pain was a little worse so I rang the hospital, they felt that if I was ok at home for now then I should stay put and keep busy for as long as possible, this rang true with what we both wanted too. 

As the afternoon progressed so did the pain but I wasn't in enough pain to really worry I could still move around happily and talk through each contraction. We did normal things and got excited about what was going to happen soon, we even ate lunch and dinner! Although bu around 7pm I was getting a little anxious that nothing else was happening, my contractions were every 6 minuets and painful so we took a trip to the hospital to put our mind at rest. I was examined and was told that if i was happy to I could go home for the night try and sleep and see how I was the next day. That night was the longest of my life I was anxious in pain and feeling suddenly a little to aware about what I was going to do in the next few hours. by 5am I hadn't slept and the pain was really bad, I rang the hospital who said I could come in, I don't really know why but i suddenly decided that sleep was needed and I slept for two hours! When I woke I got up for a wee and realised that I wasn't having a wee at all and that my waters had gone! It wasn't what I expected at all! it was trickling not gushing and I felt like I was having a very long wee! we jumped into the truck (i say jumped more like waddled holding onto a towl that i could sit on to save the seats!) we didn't talk much on the way to the hospital it wasn't what I had planned I wanted to have done my hair and be wearing something half decent, the reality was that I was a mess who looked like she had peed herself!

I was examined and told I was 5cm dilated, I was quite disappointed but I was also relieved that I wasn't going to give birth too soon! I spent the morning wandering around my room and chatting to my husband, the midwives left us alone most of the time and checked on me every hour. At 1pm I enquired about pain relief even though I had been addiment that I wouldn't have any at all! I had gas and air and although it didn't help the pain it did help me to relax through each contraction. after another hour I was told I could get in the birthing pool, this was amazing it nearly took all the pain away. After just over an hour in the pool they got me out to examine me, I was still just 5cm! They could feel that all my waters hadn't gone and proceeded to brake them, after that I don't remember much, I lay on the floor in agony unable to get back in the pool. To me this felt like it went on for an hour but my husband informs me that it was 2.5 hours! He said it was horrific to watch and although I didn't scream I made my discomfort very clear!

At last they allowed me back in the pool, I immediately said I can't do this anymore, everyone in the room stated to look very excited, apparently when women feel like this its not long before they start pushing. Sure enough I wanted to push, I hadn't realised that this urge would be so strong! I gave up on gas and air as I was starting to feel light headed and sick. After 3 pushes I could feel the most unnatural thing ever the midwife said if I push once more then the babies head would be out. I felt like my pelvis had been cut in half! But I still managed to have a sense of humor according to my husband.  Two pushes later and harry was born, I wanted a very natural birth so hadn't had the injection to make me deliver the placenta. Now it was just a waiting game, I stayed in the water for quite a while holding Harry in my arms, I couldn't believe the instant love it hit me like a ton of bricks! Once I had delivered the placenta I got out of the pool and lay on the bed watching my husband have some skin to skin time with Harry. That I can safely say was the most perfect thing I had ever seen. 

I had some trouble breastfeeding and wasn't treated very well about it, I didn't stay in hospital for long I went home where o got to grips with breast feeding and I'm still doing it now at nearly 9 months old. 

Harry is the most perfect baby and I couldn't love him more. My birth story still makes me feel anxious now but it hasn't put me off we will definitely (if we can) have more babies. 

I hope you enjoyed reading my birth story. 

January blues...

I I don't think I will be alone when I talk about the "January blues" with all the excitement of Christmas behind us, no sign of spring coming any time soon and the obligatory "healthy eating" January can really drag by. 

Earlier this week I found myself feeling quite out of sorts, Harry had yet another cold and we were house bound once more. I absolutely love being at home and can happily spend a week and not leave the house, however if the choice is taken away and I have to stay at home I get a real case of cabin fever. So I thought I would put together a little list of things that you can do for free or on a budget that will help get rid of the January blues. 

1. Get some fresh air, we have three Labradors that need plenty of exercise so it's time to get those welly boots on and go for a good long march around, it never fails to boost my mood and Harry's! 

2. Eat well, I find the whole healthy eating a bit of a mission, I'm far to tempted by chocolate biscuits! However I have found that eating 5 a day plus having the odd treat too realy helps me to feel happier during the winter months. This week we have eaten loads of spinach and both myself and the Husbando have really felt a difference. 

3. Take naps!! This is something that I find rather difficult but I have been working on it. Obviously if you work full time or your baby refuses naps this can be hard but if there is a nap opportunity then take it! It always makes me feel happier and more able to deal with the lack of daylight and how cold it's been. 

4. Embrace winter! Look at the positives of winter, snuggly nights in,

Comfort food (cassaroles with loads of veg are a personal favourite of mine) watching films and staying in your pjs at weekend! None of these things are the same during the summer months so make the most of it now. 

5. Being spring into your home. Fresh flowers always make me happy so I try to make sure I always have some. And if your on a budget morrosons sell daffodils for just £1! Perfect to cheer up your home. 

6. Make some time for you, it doesn't matter what this is for me it's painting my nails or reading a book. Take an hour and just spend it on you. As a mother I don't get much time to myself but when I do I sure make the most of it! 

7. Have a date night with your husband/partner this never fails to make a long hard week with a teething baby seem better. I think it's so important to make time for each other with no phones or distractions just the two of you. We don't go out much so often have date night at home. We get party food and listen to music and dance around the lounge! Perfection. 

I hope you like my ways to avoid the winter blues... What are yours I'd love to know? 

Our Wedding Day

Today I thought that i would do a non mummy post and write about our wedding day instead.

My husband (Matthew) and I got married on the 28th of September 2013,  it was a perfect day, the weather was beautiful and warm, all our guests were wonderful and the most perfect thing of all, I got to marry my best friend and soul mate.

We had a small wedding, just 26 people including us! For us we felt that we wanted it to be personal and quiet, neither myself or hubby are very sociable people so just a small gathering of close friends and family was perfect. The ceremony was held on a small estate in a beautiful barn, we wanted a shabby chic feel and little fuss. I had never dreamed of a big wedding or ever getting married at all, however when my husband and I got together (after 4 years of fancying the pants off him) I knew straight away that I wanted to marry him....luckily he felt the same!

The ceremony was beautiful, very romantic, funny at times and I don't think that anyone had a dry eye, I cried on and off through happiness and laughter the whole way through! We didn't get married until 4pm, what a wait that was! I think that if we could change one thing about the day we would have done it earlier, so we didn't have to wait so long to tie the knot!

I got ready at my parents home with two good friends, we didn't have anyone out to do our makeup but my hairdresser did wash a dry my hair along with putting flowers in my hair. Getting ready with these girls was so much fun and I loved it. Then it was a quick emotional moment with my dad before hopping into his land rover defender and off to the venue!

After the ceremony we ate cakes drank champagne and generally just enjoyed everyones company, Matthew and I just swooned over one another and enjoyed keeping our secret (I was 6 weeks pregnant with Harry) as the afternoon rolled into the evening we had a quiet walk around the estate park with our photographer, before going back to the venue for roast beef!

I hope that you have enjoyed reading about our wedding day, this and the day Harry was born will always be the best days of my life, but best of all I've been able to do it with Matthew, yes we argue sometimes and of course we get on each others nerves from time to time but none of that matters, being married to him is perfect and I look forward to us looking back on this day when we are old and grey and have lots of grandchildren.

Mummy Must Have's (0-9 months)

Hi everyone I'm so sorry that I haven't blogged in what seems like ages! I feel as though I have been so busy yet have nothing to show for it! I thought that I would write a blog post about the things that I have found essential with a baby from birth up to 9 months, I read a similar post while I was pregnant with Harry, some of the things I read about were great, others didn't work for me so please take what you wish from this post but, I'm sure that you other mummy's out there will have other rings that you find "essential" and please feel free to leave a comment as I always love to hear about new products!

My No.1 essential for having a baby has been my husband, without him I really couldn't be the mother that I am. He has given me so much love and support over the last 8 and a bit months. I'm also very lucky that his job and hard work has enabled me to be a stay at home mum and that is truly just the best!

 No.2 essential is this (pictured below) we call him Freddy firefly and Harry has loved him from when he was about a month old, and he still loves playing with him now. I adore these Lamaze toys, not only are they reasonably priced but they also keep babies occupied for what seems ages!

 No.3 essential is the co sleeping bed (I don't have a picture as it has now been packed away) we brought a beautiful mosses basket for harry to sleep in but he hated it! I would have such a job putting him down in it that after 3 days of persevering we stared to scan the internet for an alternative. We found our co sleeping bed on mamma's and Papa's website, although I think that mother care are also as a stockist. The bed cost around £150 and it attaches to your bed so that you can feed your baby and then simply slide them into their bed! It was a life changer and Harry slept in it right up until the week that he turned 8 months, he has since gone into his own bed in his own room without a problem! I would recommend this to anyone especially if you breast feed!

No.4 essential isn't a product but more a state of mind. RELAX!!!! Don't put pressure on yourself to be the worlds best mother! So many mums find it almost a competition, its not all mothers are in this together and it doesn't matter what you do as long as its right for your family it doesn't matter! I got very uptight in the first few weeks to have a clean house, be dressed, walk the dogs, be on top of the laundry, none of that matters! just snuggle your baby and then once you've found your feet then you can try and have a routine. So to anyone who is a new mum don't feel guilty about the housework and certainly don't compare yourself to any other mums. despite how you feel you will be doing a great job.

No.5 essential is this (pictured bellow) a jumparoo! I swore that I would not have a house full of plastic crap, but alas I do and the jumparoo although big and ugly is brilliant. Harry started to use it when he was 4 months and he still loves it now! He will happily bounce in it for an hour at a time, enough time to cook dinner our just sit and have a cup of tea! Brilliant invention! I would really recommend getting one if you haven't already.

No.6 essential is nipple cream, if you breast feed you will get through quite a bit in the first few weeks! I tried several different brands but the one I found the best is Lansinoh HPA Lanolin nipple cream, its quite expensive but its worth every penny! It was the only cream that I could find that you didn't have to wash off before feeding your baby. If you are planning on breast feeding then I would try this as it made sic a difference.


They are my 6 essentials from 0-9 months, I would love to know what you couldn't live without, please leave a comment and let me know what your essentials are.
I hope you enjoyed this post and I promise that I wont leave it so long before I blog again! 

Current daily routine

I have always enjoyed reading daily routines on various different blogs so I thought that I would give it a go and write my daily routine. I would just like to say that this is just the routine if it's a normal Monday-Friday day when my husband is at work. Obviously the routine is different at weekends or holidays.

7-7.30.

Wake up and either go to Harry who is already awake or I wake him, I don't like to let him sleep longer as it then puts the whole day out of rhythm! 

I then go downstairs turn on the lights and open the blinds, arrange some toys for Harry to play with while I put the laundry on and empty the dishwasher. 

8.30.

Breakfast.. I always try to eat all my meals with Harry or Harry and Matthew if he is home from work. I was brought up to always sit at the table and talk about plans for the day etc. 

at the moment Harry is having half a slightly mashed banana and a baby biscuit or rusk for breakfast, I have porridge with half a banana and a sprinkle of cinnamon a cup of tea and a pint of water. 

9-9.30.

Nap time! I give Harry a milk feed (I am still breastfeeding) and then put him in his cot, he is usually still awake, he will cry for a couple of minuets and then go to sleep. 

Now I run around like a mad woman and tidy the house, clean the kitchen and bathroom,  vacuum and have a shower. This usually takes me just over an hour, I then either write a blog post, play with the dogs, do any extra cleaning like the fridge or even some cooking if I can prepare for the evening supper.

11.

Harry wakes up and I go up get him dressed make the beds and give him another milk feed. We then go and play for a while before I prepare lunch. 

12 .

Lunch time, Harry is currently having either some fruit puree or one of Ella's kitchen baby food pouches. I was very negative about these pre made baby foods however Harry won't eat anything I make for him especially if it contains meat! Not sure what that says about my cooking! 

Generally I have either a bagel with ham and cheese or tuna a few slices of cucumber and a few cherry tomatoes and a yoghurt for pudding. 

1.30

Usually around this time Harry will either take another nap at home or we will go out and he will sleep on the journey, if we are at home this is the time where I have a cup of tea or coffee and read. He will nap for about 90 minuets.

3.

As soon as Harry wakes up he has a nappy change and a milk feed, then we head out for a walk with our three dogs. Tilly bongo, Kai and jake. They are Labradors that live outside (in an insulated kennel) all three of them are working dogs so need plenty of exercise. 

4. 

By now my husband is normally home and he plays with Harry while I get dinner on, we aim to eat around 5.30 (ish) 

5.30

Dinner is served! This is one of my favourite times of the day, all three of us eating together talking and making Harry giggle. It's quality time, no phones, no TV, no interruptions. Absolute bliss! If not a little messy! 

6.15 

Harry has his bath and a bedtime story.

7pm 

Harry's bedtime! He has a milk feed and then gets put down in his cot in his own bedroom. He usually talks to his teddy bears for 5 minutes before falling asleep. 

7.30 

Our time! This time is treasured, just me and my husband, time for chatting watching soaps (unfortunately I'm addicted to emmerdale and eastenders) or just generally relaxing. This time for parents is bliss. 

10.30

Bedtime, by this time I'm exhausted so it's off to bed and ready to start the day all over again. 

I hope that you have enjoyed reading my daily routine, I'd love to hear yours, please leave a comment! 

My first baby...

I thought I would do a blogpost on my first baby... Well fur baby anyway! I've owned Demi my gorgeous Irish draft x Dutch warmblood mare. I've now owned Demi for 10 years! She is the product of my blood, sweat and tears. When I got Demi I was 16 and she was 6, Demi was a real handful, she bucked, reared, bolted and basically did anything she could to try and kill me! I was a fairly experienced rider at 15/16 and wasn't scared of anything, until Demi came into my life.

Demi came to me after my first pony - a trusty new Forrest pony called twiggy. Had died, I was as you can imagine heartbroken, and I most certainly didn't handle it in the best plops single way! However I had found a horse to go and view to buy to take my mind of things. Off we went to try this horse out, she was lovely but really didn't light that spark that I was looking for. When we got back to the yard I noticed a slightly crazy looking horse, I wondered over and instantly fell in love. The owner said that she was also for sale and that I could try her if I wanted... So I did! I fell off twice and fell in love, we took Demi home that same day. 

We have had our ups and downs, not to mention trips to A&E! But we are partners, when I ride her I feel like there's nothing I couldn't do. She has been therapy, a confident and at many times my only friend. I could never part with her, she is on loan while Harry is small, but I look forward to having her back one day and continuing our journey. 

10 years on our lives have changed a bit, Demi is with a lovely loan home (I could never sell her) so that I can enjoy being a mummy to a non fur baby, I miss her and all the time I used to spend with her, but Harry and my husband come first, although I look forward to having her home one day. Demi is now a safe good natured horse, she is kind and loving a little crazy and most definitely a drama queen! 

       (Sorry this pic was taken on my phone hence bad quality) 

I hope that you have enjoyed this post, please let me know what you think and if you would like to hear anything else on my blog.